My Crazy Life

Sorry fellow bitches, I have just been out of the loop lately, PLEASE stop sending threatening e-mails!  Just kidding those are what get me by. 

I had finals last week and have been enjoying myself silly lately.  I am counting the days until we go camping and can enjoy the beautiful sunshine on my chubby body!  Forthose of you who read singletracey you will see that we had a great time camping a few weeks back.  What she failed to mention was that we learned some VALUABLE information.  Sunblock level 4 is no good.  Nope.  Not at all.  Imagine that.  Here we were trying to put some level of block on because we wanted to get our tan on and burned like we were partying all night in hell.  Me, mildly burned but enough to peal.  Tracey looked like a fireball.  Her body was so burned that she started swelling, it was funny but not.  although we are sisters we have different skin type her freckly body burns easily but does develop a tan, mine usually just tans. 

However, we did put 45 on the kiddos and applied once every other hour.  Unfortunately, Tracey, who was in charge of Ava sunblock, forgot to do her bottom area, where the swimsuits sits at the butt and she burned.  Ava thought it was a rash and we lied and said it was.  Ava tends to be dramatic and would NEVER let us live it down.  Ava also burned a little on her back which was a bit of a surprise since she kept lotioned her up.  That just shows how strong those sun rays are.  So again, Sunblock 4 no good!

The only thing in my life that is bringing me stress is my  refi on our home which has been going on for 3 months.  The lady that I am working with is as nice as can be but drags shit out and has a lack of follow up which to me is unacceptable.  Anyhow we locked in our rates a few weeks back so now we are just waiting for the underwriters to go over all the shit we sent them.  Each day it is something new, blah blah blah.  Lets move guys do you need an egg or something to speed this through???

o one more thing going on - our crazy golden retriever pup, Callie who is now 5 month’s old is jumping in our planter box and destroying our plants from her running on them and not to mention the little shit ate all of our strawberries.  How in the H can I keep her out of there, it looks so pretty in there and I would hate to destroy it and I do not want to lock her in the side yard.. Ugh any advice????

I think there must be a depressed bug going around???  All I want to do is sleep.  I have little to say these days.  I put on a happy face for my kiddos because they are my heart and soul.  The highlights of my weekend, I worked w/ Ava on Squares and Triangles and she did amazing I was so proud of her.  At one point she made a square of many colors.  She would draw a little line w/ one color stop pick another color and continue.  It took her several minutes to complete but I applauded her for making the prettiest square I have ever seen.  My husband worked w/ Ryan on his learning but from what it sounded it didn’t last long.  I need to assist that little guy some more.  He is having a hard time comprehending colors, letters and shapes (except, star, circle and square)  Once  I am on summer break from school, I can focus some more on those areas.  It is a learning process for me to, Ava was so fast and knew all of those already by thetime she was 1.5.  The other highlight, my sister came over on Sunday afternoon and watched the kiddos while JZ and I went to the movies and when came home and she made dinner. She is the best and I am sure those who know her will agree.

I just made an appointmentto see me doc.  I am hoping he will be able to give me something to get me out of this blue slump..  Hmm I am thinking about Chiro too, why not it is on my ins. plan!

Wow, where do I begin??? 

My cousin Monique came into town on Wednesday with her 1 year old son Andrew.  So on Thursday we went to the SF Zoo which was nice and quiet since it was the middle of the week.  After about 2 hours I was bored and started to check my black berry and answer e-mails for work.  There is just only so much caged animals I could take.  The highlight of the visit was when the bears started to play in the water and pounce each other right in from of me and my kids.  I informed them if they didn’t behave I was going to throw them over, hee hee.  My daughter looked scared but I told her I was KIDDING!  On Friday my cousin and he dad went to the Monterey Bay Aquarium, I passed because we have seen it before and again, I do not think I could handle all the tanked animals.  Which she later told me there is only so many fish you could look at, EXACTLY!  So now I have a story and PLEASE tell me your thoughts because I really do not think I did anything wrong.

So in Mid March at my niece’s birthday party (daughter of dumb ass and crazy bitch) I told them Ava’s bday was going to be on 4/26.  They informed me that they were not going to make it because they can’t take it off of work.  (They must have magically known they weren’t going to get it off).  Ava really enjoys playing w/ the two girls as do they like playing w/ her.  So I told them, if you can’t come, can I meet you half way and pick up the girls (they have a .5 year old too).  I said I can’t take all 3 of them because that would be 5 kids I need to watch PLUS get ready for the party.  Ava is 4, Ryan is 2, Anaise is 6 and Kaili is 3, add another 2 year old and I am jumping off of my 2 story window.  They said no big deal. Can you see where this is going????    So a week before I was talking to the dumbass and he tells me that his mother is going to take their son.  Okay…..  So I call up the ungrateful bitch and say

Me: so you are picking up the boy from my house on Friday?

UGB: Yes

Me: So do you have the day off?

UGB: No, I didn’t even think about it.

Me: So what time do you plan on picking him up?

UGB: O I don’t know. Let me call my daughter (SIL) and see if she can pick him up.

ME:  okay, sure

UGB:  Spoke to her and she can pick him up at 7

ME:  Okay

That was the end of the story, or so I thought.  I picked up them at 3:30 and was informed they are only spending Friday night at our house and not Saturday night because 11 was too early to meet half way.  What?  It is only an hour drive, whatever.  So my sis in law (who I actually get along w/) comes over w/ her 6 year old son and I invite them to stay for some tri tip, beer and grilled potatoes and she proceeds to tell me what she had heard.  First off she tells me that she is so friggin pissed that her mom dropped the responsibility on her to pick up the lil boy and then her mom decide that they would take all 3 Sat. night.

ME:  I am not getting what’s going on.  Why are you taking the girls Sat. night?

SIL:  Because dumbass called and is pissed that you are neglecting the lil boy.  He said if she can’t take all of my kids then she cannot have any of them.  Also my mom is bitching about it too.  I told her that I don’t see anything wrong with it and that 5 kids would be a lot to handle especially when 2 of them are 2 and need to be watched.  So that is why she is taking the lil boy.

ME:  Oh really.  If he would have gave me that option I would have told him to fuck off and keep all of his kids.  You know my family doesn’t always take both of my kids at the same time I split them up.  Sometimes it is good for them to get individual attention.  Heck my husband and I will split them up too.

SIL:  That is why they are not staying Saturday night.  They don’t want their kids to be separated from each other.

ME; Oops sorry I just threw up in my mouth.  Are you friggin kidding me?

SIL:  Nope.  My mother was talking hella shit about you.  How hard is it to get ready for a party and who do you think you are etc…

ME:  I start crying and say well lets see.  I have to tidy up after the kids in the morning, wake up at  start preparing the past salad, fruit salad, get the chicken ready and prep the backyard.  The kids have to go to swim lessons and oh ya I need to get ready.  This all has to be done by 12.

ME;  You know I was trying to be nice in picking up the girls for the party since Ariel was going to be there and they would have a good time. The lil boy is too young to understand.  I wouldn’t have asked anyone to take Ryan if the situation was reversed.  I guess I am a different person.

SIL:  I didn’t want to say these things to upset you, I just want you to know how they REALLY are and for you o stop trying so hard.  Dumbass used you as an excuse.  I am sure he and his bitchy wife want to go out and have a quiet weekend together, that’s why.

ME:  I’m done.  I won’t ever try to be nice again to them.  As for my mother in law, she can go to hell because now she is assed out.  The only reason why John makes an effort is because I make him and now I am done.  He sees me crying and is now all upset.  His comments “FUCK HER; see why I don’t talk to them!”

Okay I told her before I leave let’s give all of them a bath because they look dirty.  The 3 girls go in my big tub and the 3 boys go in the kids tub.  I wash all of them.  Whew

Saturday comes and everyone is there having a good time.  We are playing musical chairs and Disney Bingo and my mother in law is watching the kids play games while the lil boy is alone in the RENTED jump house.  We are then told by a 4 year old that it is stinky in the jump house.  John goes out there and there it is!  He is by himself and there is SHIT everywhere.  WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Hello MIL, why are you not watching him? It was your idea to have him here, so watch him.  So John tells her to get him and proceeds to sterilize the jump house.  She walks in the party and holds up his leaky pants to show all the party goers.  WTF!!!!!!!!!!  Couldn’t you keep quiet you ungrateful bitch.  So the mess gets cleaned and all the girls play upstairs and then it is time for cake and presents.  MIL watching all the fun while she once again left him unsupervised in the jump house.  John walks in and I am sitting on the floor, SIL on the couch and MIL on the chair, he proceeds to say, “Mom, hello you have lil boy duty and he is all by himself.”  SIL and I start laughing, her bright idea to watch him and she can’t even do it.  They go to leave and the girls are all packed and I say, “You know I feel bad that you have all the kids, I am sorry to have put any burden on you”.  She proceeds to say as I am walking away, WHATEVER!  SIL tells me she bitched about what I said and kept saying what is that supposed to mean, looking for a hidden agenda.  SIL tells her, she was just being nice, get over it.

That was it.  The party was good; Ava had a great time and played with all of her friends that came over.  All the lil girls said, Ava has the best room we have seen.  Thanks!  I worked hard on it.  Since my Ava is my sunshine, I painted her room creamy hello with white furniture and beautiful butterflies hang from her ceiling.  It is a happy room for a happy girl!

Now with all of the drama and busyness, I am sick and so is my Ava.  Ryan and John are 100%!

Thanks Tracey for helping me throw a great party and for being there for me. 

First I would like to give a shoutie to my best gal B.  If we both weren’t married to wonderful people, we would be living together.  Heck, if I wasn’t married I would be trying to shack up w/ both B & K!  Love those hookers.  Did I mention that those who visit us have a choice of Andes candies under their pillow or Smirnoff Ice, cough cough… 

Sorry I have not blogged lately I went on a cleaning frenzy for a few days.  Shoved QUITE a few things under beds and dusted off blinds.  We had an appraiser come to our home and EVEN though he does not care how clean your house is, it matters to me.  Anyhoot, when he came my house smelled like citrus heaven with a dash of my pink lemonade candle.  He left telling me I have a beautiful home, and it is EXEPTIONALLY well maintained.  I was happy.

I have more to blog but I must do my nutrition homework.  It si Ava’s 4th birthday this weekend and my cousin and her wee one are coming over.  I will have picks on Monday.  (Tracey that whore needs to show me how) However, I write a little something tommorrow morning about my goings ons lately..

Love you bitches!

Hindsight is 20/20 but as a mother you can always forsee your childs future, at least in glimpses.  Last night finally became a reality for my 2 year old son, Ryan. 

Yesterday, I crawled out of work (so not be seen)  at 3 and headed home.  John and I geared them up in our suburbuan size stroller, grabbed the pups leash and we were off to go for a walk to the BIG park.  We had a great time, no arguments just playing and when it was time to go they both listened.  I really could not have asked for more, the evening was off to a wonderful start.  We got home I got thec hicken ready, passed it of to JZ to BBQ, made some steamed carrots and broccoli and rice.  The chidlren were playing together and I could hear them giggling in the playroom.  My heart was melting w/ love.  Then it happened.

They started to run in the kitchen.  They think it is so fun to run around the island and scream and slide.  Just as I was about to yell NO RUNNING IN THE Kitchen (which I do all the time and inform them that someone is going to get hurt)  I saw Ryan slip and land head first.  It might hjave been the loudest slap to teh ground I have EVER heard.  FUCKITY FUCK FUCK FUCK!  I go and pick it up and blood everywhere.  He bit into his lower lip REALLY good instantly started swelling and blood gushing from his nose.  Breathe Ryan Breathe.  Great, what hapened everything was goin so nicely….  JZ and I pinned him down to put an ice cube on his lip to suck so the bleeding can stop and help numb it.  At teh same time I was also trying to catch the blood from his nose.  Is it broken, I have no idea..  I called the nurse hotline and she told me to give him som Motrin for the swelling and the pain.    Ava went and sat next to him to tell him sorry she was running and that she loves him.  The cutest thing, I think she thought she was in trouble.  When he woke up this morning he was still crabby and wouldn’t let me touch his nose, he kept saying, “it urts mommy it urts”.  So I called his Dr.  and per the doc, nothing they can do if the nose is broken but do not squeeze it, chances are it is just really sore.  okay, thanks!  My poor baby.  That kiddo is forever getting hurt!

On a good note:  While JZ was laying down w/ Ryan, Ava and I worked on writing her name and numbers.  Towards teh end of our session,  she wrote her name all by herself as well as 1, 2, 4..  3 & 5 are still a little tricky but I am confident willl nail those bastards down this week!

Moral of the story:  Listen to your mother, she knows whats best!

ALERT!ALERT!ALERT!  This is not a test………..

B where the hell are you when T needs you!  Traceys possible lesbian conversion may be shattered and hopes in setting her up w/ your friend may be at a loss.  Great, I was excited thinking of having a sister-in-law that I would like!  Butchs across the U.S. unite and prove to T that this one was just crazy!

Here is what went down. Tracey and I headed over to Costco to pick up a few things on our lunch, diapers, pull ups and a 4 pack of pregnancy tests (for T).  On our stroll down the aisle I picked up some delicious looking marianaide, perhaphs it would go nicely w/ some seasoning I recent pick pocketed in TX.  Well we get up to the line and we are next and T starts loading the belt.  It was then that we realized that we would needed some skirt steaks to go with it.  So I wogged to the meat department to get some while T stood there waiting to give her card and hold our spot.  Now here is where it gets interesting.. 

I get back in the nick of time and slap down the beef. Tracey is up  w/ the cashier and a service rep, aka crazy butch (CB) and she looks pissed.  I guess CB was trying to get T to be an “executive” member but T does not go to Costco all that much.  She is single, she doesn’t need to buy in bulk.  T said she was not interested several times in an unusually nice attitude and that is when crazy butch turned.  I giggled a little because it was funny, I opened my wallet and thats when CB noticed my “executive” membership and flipped a gasket!  Fuck, she was pissed and gave T an evil glare.  She was in disbelief and could not fathom why someone would do that.  Here is what she then expressed,

CB: OMG you should have used her card what were you thinking!  Now you will not get credit for any of these goods.  I guess it is just money to you two!

T&D: well bye, have a nice day. 

Hmmmm, I  didn’t have the heart to tell her that I cancelled my exec. membership weeks ago but they let me keep the card so I can get in earlier!  Its good to see someone so passionate about their jobs, yo!

***In case some of you are wondering, I created the wog, wogging, to wog.  My husband teases me that I have a slow jog.  So I said it is a cross between a walk and a jog, its a wog.  ***

Much love to you all!

Yesterday, before school my sister, Tracey and I were sitting in the playroom watching the kiddos and trying to tame the wildbeast, Callie.  Callie is a beautiful, 20lb, 4 month old golden retriever.  She is a very happy dog and likes to chew on kids toys, nibble on your fingers and jump all over you.  She has come along way since we brought her home when she was 6 weeks old.  However, we are eagerly awaiting her to stop nibbling and jumping.  We correct her countless times but she must not hear us. My kids and husband sometimes have that problem to.  Maybe our house has some type of radio activity that interferes with hearing???? 

Oops I got off the original idea.  Okay, as we were sitting in the midst of chaos we started to have this conversation:

T - Fuck, I do not know how you do it? 

D- Do what I asked?

T - Watch your crazy puppy, take care of your kids, go to school and are not stressed.  Your hubby is hardly around and you manage a shit load by yourself.  Having another baby would be easier then a puppy.

D- Well for fucks sake, I never really thought about it before, I hadn’t had the time.  Now that you mention it I am feeling a bit overwhelmed.  OMG, a kid would be way easier to raise then a puppy.  Hence the nibbling and jumping.  Nevermind the huge shits that I need to pick up 4 times a day outside.  Diapers would be SOOOO much easier and less smelly and messy since they are contained. 

T - You need a game plan.  Pretend you are a mom of quads and map out a schedule of your daily activities.

D - Great idea T, you are my life saver, I will get started on that tommorrow or during school tonight if it is boring.  Gotta go, thanks for watching my 2 kids and 2 dogs.  Love you forever and should there be a next time the eggs are on me.  (there won’t be a next time unless you want another one)

So here is a sample schedule for Tuesday.  Each day is different.  This is a pretty mild day compared to Friday (chore day)

4:30 - 5:30 - wake up and work out (a.m)

5:30 - 6:15 - walk Callie

6:15 - 6:30 - take a shit

6:30 - 7:00 - get ready

7:00 - 7:45 - get my kids up and dressed

7:45 -8:30 - get the kids and Callie loaded in the van and drop them off at designated areas

8:30 - 3:30 - go to work, google the internet, hop on blog land, do homework, take callie out for potty breaks, eat my lunch, etc.

3:30 - 4:30 - leave work, pick up my kiddos at their designated areas

4:30 - 5:30 - make a quickie dinner, eat try and help feed kids

5:30 - 9:00 - go to school

9:15 - home, put Ava to bed if she is still up.

9:30 - 10:00  walk Callie

10:00 - crawl to my bed and go to sleep

THE END………………

Last night as my husband and I were watching Big Brother and he quietly turns to me and says, “You haven’t been reading any of your dirty books.  Do you plan on buying another one soon?”  I said vacation is over; I have no time for “dirty books”.  I think he is ready to buy me another plane ticket to TX so I can read more dirty books on the plane and the hotel.  I can come home, hump him several times in a week, then go to school, take care of the kids and do all the house chores.  You see when I come back from girl’s fun weekend; I am in extremely generous and guilty mood.  So I said after I read the book I am about to start, then I will buy another dirty book and “fit” it into my schedule.  As for now, I am on my period don’t bug me!

On another note, I can’t wait to go back to TX for a certain baby shower (B & K).  I might have to go before that as well, to help register.  Tracey and I love to do that.  No offense to anyone that may be reading this but some people set themselves up for difficult time.  Let’s take the wiper warmer shall we.  Okay its great thought, warms your wipes right up.  Nice and comforting on the ass for a baby.  What happens when you are out and about?  The warmer isn’t there, you just use a regular wipe and it scares the jeepers out of your kid.  Bad enough that the changers in the restroom scares the kid enough but chock it with a cold wipe and your bound to get pissed on.  However, if you never used it they would be used to it no big deal.  To me, it is a waster of money, time and space.  Food for more thought.  Bottle feeding….  I tried to breastfeed my daughter she screamed bloody murder.  I couldn’t do it.  It just felt weird to force my daughter on my boob while she was screaming, oh-well.  So instead of heating up water all the time and worrying about is it too hot, not hot enough or while we were out, “can you heat this up” we always gave her room temp water.  It was always accessible, throw a 16.9 pounce of bottled water in your diaper bag and get the heck outta there.  These are just some of my opinions, no biggie. 

Any how, we had a great weekend.  We had the cement guy come out and color and seal all of the cement in the backyard and yippee it finally matches!  I should have just had them do it all at once when we first moved in, in 2005 but was an idiot.  Oh – well, lesson learned.  It looks nice now and I am so happy.  Ava picked out some random flowers at Home Depot and planted them in the flower bed and it made her happy, Ryan swept and John built a lattice box over the ugly air conditioner.  I put some fresh mulch in the flower bed to sweeten up the flowers and trees.  We have a huge planter box.  We had a grade in our backyard and just built the box to keep it. I will have to post a picture of our little yard; Tracey will have to show me how. 

Love to you all!

To all my friends near and far,

Where to begin..  hmmm, I don’t want to work, my kids are having meltdowns when I leave in the morning, I am ready for summer vacation, my puppy has worms, my other dog needs to have knee surgery and my husband’s work laid of some upper management = my life in a nutshell. If I was near some of my Texan friends I would be sitting in the back of the bar pounding a few beers.  I have been a bore these days, just in a slump. 

Oh something interesting….I have a neighbor in which Tracey and I like to refer to Asshole and his troll wife (she looks like an ork from Lord of the rings)  Well her husband is a dick head and an alcoholic and has threatened my husband a few times but John being nonconfrontational just shrugs it off me not so easily shruggable.  (Last year) The AH used to park his cars blocking our driveway and we see us struggling to get out with the little room he left us or we would  have to ask him to move his car.  Finally I got so fed up w/ it I reported it to the HOA and he received a nasty letter no biggie.  Well we live in a court so he went to each house and asked of they reported them.  Of course I was leaving for work and had my little ones were in the back when he decided to stop my car and ask me in his best bully voice. 

AH: Did you call and report me

ME:  Yes

AH:  You could have told me and I would have not done it!

ME:  Well the numerous times we asked you to move your vehicle and park it in you 6 car driveway, I thought maybe was a hint.  Clearly you are ignorant and just didn’t get it so I called and reported you.  I did not want to get into a confrontation w/ you but clearly you are not mature enough to take it as it is.

AH:  I see how you are now!

ME:  Good, maybe you won’t block my driveway anymore.  The end!

Okay, now you have a little history between us.  We have been civil for the last 6 months and I though he had grown up a b it and his wife being the fake person she is just stands behind him in whatever he says.  Has no opinion of her own.  Monday we had a board meeting and his wife wants to resign and he wants to take her place or run for a position that is coming up.  (mine and 2 others)  I happen to be President which means chicken shit in the HOA world but he thinks it does.  He thinks I am like George Bush and I need to be stopped.  Okay…  Any hoot, it goes to open forum and he is the only person there and proceeds to say:

AH: I think your (mine) position is over.  You need to be off the bored.  You need to go.

ME:  Really.  I am not planning on going anywhere.

AH:  Well I think you need to.

ME:  Well that’s nice; you are entitled to your own opinion even if it is worthless. 

Association:  that is enough, that is not how we conduct meetings (speaking to the AH). 

 I just happen to have a FABULOUS relation w/ the people that run the management company.What an asshole to go after me like that.  I already knew he was going to be there so I braced myself because the management company sent me an e-mail from his wife asking about him running.  This guy is such a bully and clearly chooses to pick on women.  He just happened to pick on the wrong women because I do not deal w/ that shit.  No no..  (I would have to call B and we will beat that shit out of that guy, hmm when is she coming down!) We have a VERY small community, 18 homes and the only people that come to the meeting are us five on the board. My girlfriend on the board (my other neighbor) said to me, I cannot believe you didn’t get mad.  I told her I was so pissed that all I saw was red.  I wanted to reach over and beat up him and his wife.  However, the last thing I need is something like that on my record.  So when I am finished w/ my schooling and their son is in juvie hall and then goes on probation I will make him and his wife miserable.  hahha!!!!

For the record: High School, I was in a fight with a sister and a brother and I kicked both their asses!  My sister was at work but believe me when I told the big T, she went to hunt them down so she could contribute as well.  What a great big sis!  Love ya! 

Chow~ Debbie 

Good afternoon my dear friends,

 So I kept my silent vow to ignore my husband and fed the children and made myself a healthy salald and washed it down with  12 6 little Mother chocolate chip cookies!  I told him, “hmm, I don’t know what you are eating but I am eating this.”  His response, “thats a big salad to eat by yourself.”  As I looked in amazement at him, I said, “well it is JUST lettuce and in weight watcher land that has 0 points!”  We then went to bed about 10 in which he tried to rub my feet and I moved them, he tried again and I rolled far away from him.  I was happy!  I woke up this morning and decided to forget his ungratefuleness and selfish ways and gave him the pleasure of my voice. 

 Oh how could I almost forget.  Last night Ryan was not feeling great he was feverish and he was crabby so putting him to bed was a tad difficult. He just kept trying to escape his room.  He was crying when John was in there and kept yelling momma momma.  So, I left Ava’s room and told her to put her whisper voice in motion and I will be right back to check on her.  I went into Ryan ’s room and John went into Ava’s room.  Ryan quieted down w/ some rubbing of the head and singing.  I then went into Ava’s room to tuck her in and lay w/ her for 2 minutes.  She then turned to her father and said, “mommy’s here, get out.”  I chuckled at that remark and his response was, “of course mommy is the best, she is number one” (sarcastically spoken).  Ava then said, “yes she is”.  I love that girl.   (As for video of her, tracey will be buying one soon, all we have is one from 199

 Thanks B for your words of torture, I will forever cherish them and call on you to inflict pain on my enemies.

 Good night friends!