I have been away to long and of course need a good way to sort out any issues that I am having.

Let me start  off by saying that My husband is in good health, has employment and still loves me unconditionally, our daughter Ava,  is 4.5 years old now and can work magic with her looks and dramatic personalities.  Ryan just turned 3 February 2 and has just went skiing with his dad for the first time and loved it. My family is everything. 

However, I have bared witness for the last 2.5 years to my sisters failed attempts at pregnancy.  To say attempt would be wrong, lets say she did successfully get pregnant but unfortunately she was not able to sustain it.  For those of you that know us, know how close we are and the undying love we have for each other.  She is not only my sister she is my best friend.  She is the better side of me.  She is the side that always asks how your day is or asks if she can help with anything.  She is the side the caring/supporting side(the side my husband like too talk to when he knows he is not getting any sympathy from me).  So I have decided that I cannot sit here any longer and watch.  It is the worst feeling in the world to sit and watch and stare.  What do you say?  I’m sorry?  Why not just spit in her face as well?  I’m sorry that druggies and homeless people can have  babies but nope, not you.  Its not in your cards, Trace.  Move on, be done with it, get over it.  That’s what my family says to her.  NOT ME!  I say, march on Trace, run over these folks and lets get this shit moving.  By the time you have kids mine will be graduating.  I cannot see you in this pain anymore, I cannot see your financial portfolio be drained anymore (especially after the shit it took) for a maybe it will work maybe it won’t.  So I will carry a baby for you, I will love it like you love my children, I will hold it and feed it and then happily give it back to you when it needs a diaper change, spits up everywhere and when I can go float out in the lake and take a nappie.

No, I am no angel, I am not savor, I am her sister.  People keep calling me those things and I feel I cannot hold those titles.  I am a person who loves her family (friends) and would do absolutely anything for each and every one of them.  However, I do have my list of wants so she isn’t getting out of this without giving me something.  Yes folks I do love PRESENTS!  Not to mention my husband is giving me something to!  You ask yourself, “Why would her husband give her something 2 have a baby for her sister?” Well not because of her, I agreed that we would have no more kids of our own so after this I will probably get my tubes tied and then I can get a tummy tuck when I am ready!  Wooo hoo! 

I am pretty sure we will start next month or in early April.  I have my IUD taken out and we are going to start monitoring my cycles.  I say we but I guess I really mean Tracey, she is doing everything.  I think she just signed my name to some HIPAA documents, hmm, she is crazy!

So that is the start of my new journey.  I am excited and scared at the same time.  Tracey tells me all of these women are so happy and get such pleasure out of it.  Is there a surrogate pill that I should be taking?  I have never been a happy pregnant person.  Why does it need to be a whole 9 months?  Why can’t a human be more like a hamster and just create life in just a few short weeks.  That would be crazy.  this world would be so over populated if that were the case.  For the record, I hate prenatal vitamins and no matter how much my sister begs me now or is trying to convince me I am NOT taking them.  My OB says I can take what I did last time and I will be just fine…which is 2 Flintstones a day…

Here it is Tuesday….  I miss my hubby and most if all my son Ryan.  They flew to Colorado to be with my Aunt and Uncle for a week and play in the snow.  Well my little guy is sick and when I hear his voice it makes me sad.  I am officially convinced that my daughter DOES love her brother because she keeps asking when is he coming home BUT she has not asked about her daddy.  I feel bad for him, he wanted to talk to her last night and she said no so I then proceeded to bribe her with a  mini powder donut in silence….

I am glad to be back, good night friends….