To all my friends near and far,

Where to begin..  hmmm, I don’t want to work, my kids are having meltdowns when I leave in the morning, I am ready for summer vacation, my puppy has worms, my other dog needs to have knee surgery and my husband’s work laid of some upper management = my life in a nutshell. If I was near some of my Texan friends I would be sitting in the back of the bar pounding a few beers.  I have been a bore these days, just in a slump. 

Oh something interesting….I have a neighbor in which Tracey and I like to refer to Asshole and his troll wife (she looks like an ork from Lord of the rings)  Well her husband is a dick head and an alcoholic and has threatened my husband a few times but John being nonconfrontational just shrugs it off me not so easily shruggable.  (Last year) The AH used to park his cars blocking our driveway and we see us struggling to get out with the little room he left us or we would  have to ask him to move his car.  Finally I got so fed up w/ it I reported it to the HOA and he received a nasty letter no biggie.  Well we live in a court so he went to each house and asked of they reported them.  Of course I was leaving for work and had my little ones were in the back when he decided to stop my car and ask me in his best bully voice. 

AH: Did you call and report me

ME:  Yes

AH:  You could have told me and I would have not done it!

ME:  Well the numerous times we asked you to move your vehicle and park it in you 6 car driveway, I thought maybe was a hint.  Clearly you are ignorant and just didn’t get it so I called and reported you.  I did not want to get into a confrontation w/ you but clearly you are not mature enough to take it as it is.

AH:  I see how you are now!

ME:  Good, maybe you won’t block my driveway anymore.  The end!

Okay, now you have a little history between us.  We have been civil for the last 6 months and I though he had grown up a b it and his wife being the fake person she is just stands behind him in whatever he says.  Has no opinion of her own.  Monday we had a board meeting and his wife wants to resign and he wants to take her place or run for a position that is coming up.  (mine and 2 others)  I happen to be President which means chicken shit in the HOA world but he thinks it does.  He thinks I am like George Bush and I need to be stopped.  Okay…  Any hoot, it goes to open forum and he is the only person there and proceeds to say:

AH: I think your (mine) position is over.  You need to be off the bored.  You need to go.

ME:  Really.  I am not planning on going anywhere.

AH:  Well I think you need to.

ME:  Well that’s nice; you are entitled to your own opinion even if it is worthless. 

Association:  that is enough, that is not how we conduct meetings (speaking to the AH). 

 I just happen to have a FABULOUS relation w/ the people that run the management company.What an asshole to go after me like that.  I already knew he was going to be there so I braced myself because the management company sent me an e-mail from his wife asking about him running.  This guy is such a bully and clearly chooses to pick on women.  He just happened to pick on the wrong women because I do not deal w/ that shit.  No no..  (I would have to call B and we will beat that shit out of that guy, hmm when is she coming down!) We have a VERY small community, 18 homes and the only people that come to the meeting are us five on the board. My girlfriend on the board (my other neighbor) said to me, I cannot believe you didn’t get mad.  I told her I was so pissed that all I saw was red.  I wanted to reach over and beat up him and his wife.  However, the last thing I need is something like that on my record.  So when I am finished w/ my schooling and their son is in juvie hall and then goes on probation I will make him and his wife miserable.  hahha!!!!

For the record: High School, I was in a fight with a sister and a brother and I kicked both their asses!  My sister was at work but believe me when I told the big T, she went to hunt them down so she could contribute as well.  What a great big sis!  Love ya! 

Chow~ Debbie 

Good afternoon my dear friends,

 So I kept my silent vow to ignore my husband and fed the children and made myself a healthy salald and washed it down with  12 6 little Mother chocolate chip cookies!  I told him, “hmm, I don’t know what you are eating but I am eating this.”  His response, “thats a big salad to eat by yourself.”  As I looked in amazement at him, I said, “well it is JUST lettuce and in weight watcher land that has 0 points!”  We then went to bed about 10 in which he tried to rub my feet and I moved them, he tried again and I rolled far away from him.  I was happy!  I woke up this morning and decided to forget his ungratefuleness and selfish ways and gave him the pleasure of my voice. 

 Oh how could I almost forget.  Last night Ryan was not feeling great he was feverish and he was crabby so putting him to bed was a tad difficult. He just kept trying to escape his room.  He was crying when John was in there and kept yelling momma momma.  So, I left Ava’s room and told her to put her whisper voice in motion and I will be right back to check on her.  I went into Ryan ’s room and John went into Ava’s room.  Ryan quieted down w/ some rubbing of the head and singing.  I then went into Ava’s room to tuck her in and lay w/ her for 2 minutes.  She then turned to her father and said, “mommy’s here, get out.”  I chuckled at that remark and his response was, “of course mommy is the best, she is number one” (sarcastically spoken).  Ava then said, “yes she is”.  I love that girl.   (As for video of her, tracey will be buying one soon, all we have is one from 1998)

 Thanks B for your words of torture, I will forever cherish them and call on you to inflict pain on my enemies.

 Good night friends!

Good day friends, 

YIPPEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have no school for a week, I am so excited.  I seriously have less stress knowing that I am not on a time crunch during the week.  My selfish husband could not imagine why I would be stressed during the week? 

Hmmm, lets think about that.  I wake up, pee, shit and get ready.  Ryan wakes up crying and I get him dressed.  Ava wakes up and wants to go to school in her tank top and panties so she can look liek Wonder Women.  Not such a great idea Ava.  It takes me 5 minutes to convince her to put clothes on and I proceed to tell her that later in life if she chooses to prance around town half naked then so be it.  Everyone is dressed and we head downstairs, 2 kids and 2 dogs down stairs.  Sounds simple right?  Nope.  They both want to be held and the dogs are not cooperating it is chaos. I fix them a drink (no not tequila but Milk) and a give them a bite to eat and then myself, 2 kids and 1 puppy are one are way.  It typically takes 10 minutes in the car getting all buckled in.  I drop Ava off at school then drive to drop Ryan off at my moms.  My last destination is to work which is where Callie (our puppy) and I will be until 4 p.m.  Meanwhile throughout the day I give the dog a walk and give her potty breaks because she is still learning.  It is 4 o clock, pick up Ryan and then pick up Ava and home by 5:15.  I quickly fix dinner, Tracey comes over and I need to leave by 5:45.  I am at school until 9 and I walk in and the house bears a resemblance of someone testing missiles.  He still does not get why I am stressed. 

I just don’t get my husband.  Nicest guy I have ever met but can be such an asshole when he wants to be and I am getting tired of it.  Maybe it is a rough patch between us?  We have been together since 97 maybe we have to go through irritable times?  I have no idea what is going on but what I do know is I went the whole night and this morning ignoring him.  I plan to do it again when he gets home, I will have dinner ready for my kiddos and myself and that fucker can make his own.   

On a good note, I love my kiddos and would be lost w/o them.  Ava ALWAYS has my back and when John was being a jerk last night, she turned to him in her little 3 year old body and said, “Daddy, you’re a fibber magi!” hee hee 

Good day friends!

The Butch Bot who tagged me: B

The rules:
1) Link to the person who tagged you. (see above)
2) Post the rules.
3) Share six non-important things / habits / quirks about yourself.
4) Tag at least three people.
5) Be sure the people you tagged KNOW you tagged them by commenting what you did. 

Let’s see what the hell I can find……

1.  I am tired of picking up runny dog shit.  We recently added more cement in pour backyard and our 8 year old dog (not a 3 month old pup) is shitting all over the fucking house in the middle of the night. She does not handle change well so I am guessing this should last another week.  Granted she is shitting in the kid’s bathroom but her ass does not make it to the toilet.  It’s like she drank a bottle of vodka and had the alcohol shits everywhere.  The other night I accidentally closed the bathroom door and she shit in the middle of the hallway and poor Ryan got up and was trapped, he didn ‘t move.  All he could do was cry for help.  Poor guy was mortified, he was in the middle of shitplosion.

2. I am obsessed with always looking for my favorite candy bar anytime I go to a new store in hopes that maybe they have it.  It is a Zero bar and those yogurt nougat delights are a pain in the ass to find.

3. Give me some freshies..  I seriously change my panties 2 -3 times a day, depending on my mood.  I have no idea why but I love me some fresh panties (I know u do too B!)

4. Every night before bed I have to have a glass of milk and a snack (sometimes 2).  I feel as if I do not have it I will not sleep as good.  It sits all nestled in my tummy.

5. Our bed needs to be made everyday.  I really do not understand the need for this since when I do go to be I have to untuck and throw down for pillows and I usually swear at myself because I tuck the corners in to deep and I like everything loose.

6. Last but not least, I believe my sister and I are obsessed with talking with each other.  After a whole day of work together, we still must talk to each other 3 – 4 times a night and get together a few nights a week for dinner.  Like tonight, I made some homemade meatballs that are stewing in some sauce right now,  YUMMY!  She is coming over and I am so excited!  

I hope I did not bore you all! 

Good day friends, 

I had no idea all my whores missed me so much.  Sorry I have not blogged in several days.  I have no idea where the time went but it flew my faster then a box of hostess cupcakes in Tracey’s house! This past weekend was a crazy mess but first let me back track to Thursday evening.  After spending the day at work, I picked up the kiddos and came home and cooked dinner really fast.  Then I was off to school for 3 hours.  That wasn’t the problem; it did not arise until I got home from school at 9:30.  I walk in the house and there on the couch is my husband and Ava hiding under the blanket.  My first reaction, “What in the Henry is she still up for!”  She is 3 years old; her bedtime is 8:30.  We are not Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes w/ late bedtimes John……..  I still was calm until he spoke.   “Well,,,  I TRIED to put her to bed but she said no.”  Are you serious? Yes. So you mean to tell me you asked her to go to bed, she said no so that was it?  Well she started to cry.  Oh, okay. NOT!  She is about to cry again right now when I bring her tiny butt upstairs. A small voice interrupts, “mommy I am ready to go to bed, will you lay w/ me?” Umm, Ava yes you are ready to go to be and no I will not lay with you, lets go!  Then I proceeded to tell John, maybe next time I will tell Ava to watch both you and Ryan since she was acting like the parent and making all the rules.  He apologized for being an idiot and all was well….. the next day that is.FAST FORWARD~Saturday was a blurr, the kids played, I cleaned, and we had an early St. Patty’s dinner, fell asleep on the couch.  Sunday, we went to my BIL and crazy SIL house in Fresno for a bday party.  Fresno is a good 2+ hours away and the party was at 5:30 so we told them we would get there early about 2 so the kids can play and then head over to chuck e cheese.  I was nice to crazy bitch and talked briefly with her.  When I say briefly out of the 6 hours we spent w/ them, I maybe talked to her a TOTAL of 10 minutes.  It was worth it though because their kids and our kids get along really well.  So with that I decided not to rat on her ugly ass.  Monday, decided that I have been feeling depressed.  My life is a big pile of unorganized mess.  I am sure some of you can relate to my stress, money, work and weight issues.  I make good money but I am seriously have a shopping addiction and need to get myself under control and I think it relatively hit me a few months back so I have been really good but I have tremendous guilt because my husband is such a frugal person and I spend everything.  It was foolish and now I am changing my ways.  It is not like I am late on any bills or anything bad but I have accrued debt.  So I am focusing on paying some shit off.  I don’t need anything and the kids have plenty!  So to clear my head, I decided to do what I always enjoyed and doesn’t cost a cent.  I went for a jog after work (1.5 miles) and it helped to clear my head.  It was nice and I felt good about myself afterwards.  I am heading back to the track again after work.  I brought my Britney’s greatest hits and I am downloading them to my ipod for self motivation! 

Good night friends.

“from now when I was going somewhere, I was RUNNING”  Forrest Gump 

Good morning friends,

The latest and greatest on Desiderio Way – We have ripped out about 17 L x13 W ft of grass to add more stamped/colored cement.  Since my husband and I are watching our dollars and the cement is costing more then what was anticipated we decided to take out the grass ourselves and change relocate the sprinkler system.  It only seems fitting since we put it there in the first place.  There is not match grass left but enough for the dogs to relax and shit on! We are not afraid to tackle any project and usually recruit Tracey to help.  The only requirements are after a long days work we celebrate w/ a 12 pack of Bud Light and the world’s BEST pizza, Pinocchio’s.  However, John was at work, Tracey was enjoying her quiet home, so it was just me.  So, I picked up the kiddos, put on the Disney CD and we were headed home.  About 21 miles from our house I looked in the mirror to see them and did a double take.  They were both sound asleep in Dreamyland.  YIPPEE, I can bust my ass and hunker down and get this shit done w/o any arguments, any interruptions.  Well After 2 hours of multiple trips to w/ the wheel barrel from the backyard to the front yard I was finished.  JZ came home just in time to help me dump some of the dirt in to the front yard.  He did it with such ease as I struggled to move the damn thing.  What a turn on.  I think he may have the potential to be a cowboy!  Regardless, I saddled up later w/ him. Today – not much has happened yet.  Ava is off at her daycare school and she starts a dance/ballet class.  She had her dance bag ready to go and tried to negotiate wearing her leotard and tutu to school.  Um no, not a good deal Ava.  There are no sleeves and no pants you will freeze your buns off.  She informed me she was, “not very happy w/ me and I am not listening to her words”  when I informed her if she continued on this path of not being happy, I can arrange for her not to wear her stuff at all.  She compromised and all is well on Desiderio Way.Peace and sex to everyone,Good day friends. 

Good morning friends,

Last night while I was sitting in my night class my mind escaped me.  I was carried away in bitterness and anger.  Why you ask?  I heard some rather trouble news the other night and I have not stopped dwelling over it.  It has ABSOLUTELY nothing to do with me.  My skanky, bitch and whore of a sister-in-law has decided to apply for a CHP position and is taking her physical and written exams this weekend.  I do not have an interest in a CHP position but I am in school getting my degree in Administration of Justice to be a probation officer.  All I could think about was man, I should be where I want to be, now this Smart and Final cashier is going to be a CHP officer, or is she???  You see, from stories my brother-in-law has told my husband she was a meth head and did mingle in other drugs.  HMM, that is a big no no no when you are applying for any position in the AJ field.  I am sure she will mark those questions as if she had never done drugs.  LIAR!  Background check, family references, they call EVERYBODY!  Should I sabotage that slut?  I cannot stand her and we have had words on several occasions.  Imagine that, me, speak freely?  You G-D damn right I do!  So there is my dilemma, should I keep my mouth shut and maybe let her succeed or should I kick her when she is down?  All my husband can muster out is a laugh and hey do you want to have sex?  Okay.   So he clearly is not troubled by this but does agree that she would suck as a CHP Officer.

Here is a rundown of my in laws:  Mother-in-law – She is a mental case, worse then Britney Spears.  She lives 35 minutes away from us and we see her about 4-5 times a year. She was off for hand surgery for 3 months and never once came over or asked to spend time with the kids.  My Father in law – moved to Nevada, no idea why, no family nothing.  Oh that’s right he is addicted to gambling. Johns’ Sister Yvonne - Divorced twice, 2 kids by 2 different daddies, they are both deadbeats and she has moved back home with her mom.  She is dating again but claims she is not going for looks this time.  Hmm and if that’s the case these men must be way uglier then her husbands were.  John’s Brother Ted, he lives in Long Beach, came out of the closet a few years back and is a nice guy but is scattered about in every direction.  He has no idea of where he wants to be.  John’s Brother Louis, the baby.  He is married to crazy bitch, whore.  They are big oh feel sorry for us, we have 3 kids (they can’t even afford 1) and we live in the ghetto (seriously I have seen there neighborhood on cops) and we have no money, waaaaaaaaaaaaa.  She was holding out for a manager’s position for 4 years at Smart & Final.  So instead of finding a better job she chooses to work PT.  My brother in law is a seasonal firefighter and does not bother looking for a job the 5 months a year he is not working.  Then there is my John. Okay even though he is my husband he seems to be the only one headed for a clear destination.  I am convinced he is only that way because of me. He wants nothing to do with them and only socializes when necessary.  My husband has bad luck on his side though in the job department but he always bounces back.  Not to mention he is pretty good in the sack!  He is a very nice and giving person and I love him dearly.  So back to my issue of my sister-in –law, if I started something what would I lose? Probably not much and I might gain my sanity.

That’s was last night.  Then I got home and another chapter began.My husband informed me of the 5′6 scrawny gangster that held his hands up to him as my husband drove passed him on his way to our house.  For those of you who don’t know JZ (my husband) he stands solid at 6′2 230 pounds and can carry my fat ass all the way upstairs!  He would squash him like grape, splat.  Ugh it sucks.  One house can ruin it for everyone.  He said he wanted to go out there and pulverize him but he kept driving.  Then he proceeded to ask me when the hell are we going to move to Texas? hahaha.  I have to finish school because my family watches the kiddos for me at night before JZ gets home.  I think he is ready to leave me and head over to Deena and Vince’s place!

5:15 this morning I woke up to my husband rubbing my ass wanting more nook.  See this is what happens if I give him a taste of 2 days in a row.  He is insatiable.  I might have to stop reading my dirty books.  So I caved and quite frankly enjoyed this morning’s delight.  I was ready to leave my house at 7 but my little monster were quietly nestled in their caves so I treasured the silence and reread the last chapter of my dirty book, it was just that good!  I finally woke those 2 up at 8 and we were on the move however, I was already an hour behind.  I am not going to let it get me down.  I drop of my loves off at my mom’s and decide after hearing the Aladdin song 10 times I must change the CD.  I look closely at my selection and say to myself, this is the one; I giggle and slide it in gently.  Before the music starts I skip to track 7 and there it is.  My beloved ABBA and the words of Chiquitita.  I scream this ones for you Tbags (Tracey) and so my day begins.  I will play nice and think happy Texas thoughts. 

Good day friends. 

Good morning Friends,

Reading discretions is advised, the material in this blog may contain harsh words so if you are sensitive get the fuck off!  Ha-ha, just kidding. 

I am a mom of 2 kids under the age of 4 so therefore, I must watch my words very carefully at home.  Apparently, even the word frick is bad word according to my 3 year old daughter.  Last night I received a hardy lecture when she heard incorrectly. She catches everyone especially Aunt Tracey who has a mouth that escapes her. The long anticipated arrival of my blog is making its debut, courtesy of my sister Tracey, aka singletracey.  She set it all up for me, the crafty little bitch she is. Some of my new found forever friends insisted that I start up my own gig and here I am.  Let me start by saying, this weekend I had the BEST time of my life.  I met a table full of amazing women I had never met or spoken with but it was like we always knew each other.  I miss all of them already and I am not sure if I could wait a whole year to see them again. B & K, thank you whores for being the best hostesses ever and I will try to live up to your expectations for the next gathering in CA!  You two made me laugh and almost pee pee in my big girl panties on several occasions!  Thanks B for taking care of me when my eyes swelled up like a Looney tune character.  You’re the best!  Aradia you are everything that Tracey said you were, nice, sweet and a dirty girl.  Your husband is hilarious and Miss Ava is beautiful and busy like mine.  I can’t wait for our little Ava’s to meet one day.  Cora, you are very nice and fun to be around and your son Ethan is adorable.  I was in awe how well he sat for all our eating events!  In fact, I thought about you when we went out for dinner the night we got home and how I struggled to put Ryan in the high chair and his constant words of I’m stuck and no mommy no.  Hmm, I ignored him and that helped a little until he threw his rib my way!  Marci & Kristi you two rock and are a perfect match.  By the way K. Frank for the last two nights I have been dreaming about K.Fed!  I can’t get him off of my mind or off of me in my dreams! Deena, what can I say.  You found out about me.  I really am not Tracey’s sister; I am the forgotten Spelling that was casted out of the house by my evil bitch mother Candy.  Whore.  (thanks b & k, my new favorite word)  Deena, you are so funny and your husband is the nicest man.  Hell it could be cheaper to fly him out and install my electrical then to pay someone.  All I needs is Beer and BBQ!  Michelle you are a strong person, don’t loose faith and keep on going! So here is what I learned this weekend.  K has nice nipples, B is a good lay (so I am told), Deena can surf, Vince is a cowboy and a surfer, Cora, is a mom whisperer, Aradia has nice tatas and I do know, Big J loves tequila shots, K.Frank would love to have K. Feds baby, Marci is NOT obsessed with K.Fed (I am still holding out for the name Sean Preston), Michelle has 2 bitchin tattoos, Becca is the coolest English teacher I ever met. All in all Good friends are just a blog away.. Good day friends…..